I need an echo not your praise.

I stand next to my mother at the twin basins in our bathroom, eyes down, brushing my teeth in silence. My mother rinses her tooth brush and looks at me. "You're brushing too hard! Be careful or you'll end up wearing the enamel on your teeth."

I spit and watch the swirls of blood tint the foam and slide down the drain.

"Yeah, well there are other obvious reasons why that's pretty much inevitable."

I mumbled and rinsed my tooth brush off, "Like what?" She asked, eyes widened.

I sighed, I hate it when she plays stupid. My eating disorder has always been the white elephant sitting in the middle of the living room, everyone sees it but no one mentions it or acknowledges it.

Even when I was at my sickest and had to be admitted my parents stood in the sidelines, over the years they just assumed it was a phase and had long since passed, when in truth I had just gotten better at hiding it.

I shot an annoyed look at her. "What...like vomiting?" She choked out. "Yeah mom, there's that..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's the closest she's come to finally admitting what's been under her nose for years.

Anyways, that was last night and my irritation was short-lived, thankfully.

So I'm going to end my fast on Friday and start restricting, not sure about W. though.

I don't know much about your routines and such, hopefully you'll post more about that?

Intake for the day:

1 and 1/2 cups of coffee {about 80 cals.}

Water.

I'm exhausted and finally feeling the heartbreak I've been trying to keep at bay.

- H.