Blog change + fasting day 4 update.

So, I talked to W. the other night and we both agreed that since she won't be posting on here anymore as she is too busy and currently internetless I would convert it to my own personal blog.

We may end up creating another joint blog in the future but it all depends on our daily demands and whether we have free time or not.

Anyways, today is day 4 of my fast and it was particularly miserable because I cut back on the massive amounts of iced tea I've been drinking for the past 3 days. I've been keeping my liquid cals to a minimum of 100-150 cals per day.

Even though I haven't been exercising for the past days of my fast I blacked out today while walking down the hallway and came to on the living room floor shaking and disoriented. Odd considering I've gone for far longer and never fainted, it's only been 4 days for fuck's sake.

Last night I was particularly proud of myself because my father took me out for a spin around town and planned on taking me out for Chinese (which I have been craving for the past few weeks) but just as I was about to give in to my rumbling stomach and shaking hands I got a surge of the most exquisite feeling of power and persuaded him to take me to the bookstore instead.

I felt relieved that I evaded the disastrous binge I knew would have happened and managed to keep my fast. I almost always buckle on the 3rd day and slip up, it's like an unwritten rule that's always made me feel like such a failure but I kicked it to the curb last night and it felt amazing.

I have been smoking a lot more lately (not that I'm complaining as I do love to smoke) and it's helped pacify the hunger pangs for short periods at a time.

Right now I'm just trying to keep myself busy since my insomnia is back with a vengeance and I spend all night thinking about what's in the fridge, counting the calories and feeling hopelessly obsessed.

Last night however, I managed to get 5 or so hours of sleep and I regret it because I had the most terrible dream, I dreamt I was gorging myself on a bucket of my favorite ice cream. I woke feeling terrified that I had actually consumed it in my sleep, as I felt my stomach contract against the emptiness I was beyond relieved.

Nothing feels better than waking up every morning to see your bones slowly growing in prominence sharply against your skin.

Well, I'm off.

-H.